Save Me From Myself
by EvermoreComplex
Summary: Addison goes back to Seattle;may become Addek NEW CHAPTER ADDED Reread Ch.11 ***Latest Update:Ch 12 **Derek faces Addison *** Coming Soon:Ch 12 part 2 **to be determined: Tell me what you want to see happen next
1. Chapter 1: Back

**A/N: This is my first fan fiction tell me what you think...**

**Chapter 1: Back: The Prologue:**

At first Addison thought she was just feeling bored. Every day had become routine and the excitement and reassuring comfort of sunny L.A. was slowly fading away. Something was gnawing at her, yet she couldn't figure out exactly what was wrong. All she knew was that somewhere along the way she went from being completely content to…dejected, as if constantly trying to find happiness, was draining all her energy.

All the expectations she had, when she got here, were pushed aside in favor of her duty as a doctor, focusing on her career, and keeping the practice stable. Of course there was plenty of time for her to enjoy life outside of work her co-workers _are_ her friends and she'd had several relationships, some more serious and others. The difficult thing about being friends with your co-workers though is that sometimes you become more than just friends, and sometimes those relationships don't end the way you would hope.

She wasn't just bored; Addison had finally reached her limit. From one mistake to another, many worse than the last, she found herself questioning why coming she had to L.A. in the first place. Life was supposed to get better and stay that way. Obviously no one's life can truly be like that, but she'd tried so hard to make it happen. She expected too much; too much of herself and everyone around her. Addison had known that she was setting herself up to be letdown. All the emotions she'd suppressed during various events in her life were finally catching up to her: New York, her 11 years of marriage, Seattle, the 4 years of drama and gossip, L.A. and numerous failed relationships, her parents, her childhood in Connecticut, her inability to have children… 

Her mind was constantly betraying her; no matter how much she tried, any seemingly motivational thoughts became hesitant questions instead.

She couldn't help but feel ridiculous and almost disgusted with herself, because she was raised to keep her emotions in check and now at times it took up all her energy not to breakdown over the littlest things. She felt weak and whiny, the poor little rich girl complaining about her fabulous home, career, and friends, because it didn't "feel like enough".

All of this inner frustration led to this very moment. Addison is staring at her phone, just standing there in her bedroom, in the middle of her weekend off, trying to convincing herself, that she's not about to make the biggest mistake ever. She's done pretending the past 14 years of her life were forgotten for the sake of starting anew. She's done trying to be a different person, she has changed and grown and she finally feels stronger because of it, even if it meant telling people what she truly wanted and showing her feelings, crying… The way she felt before coming here barely compared to how desperate and empty she had been feeling these past few months. She doesn't want to feel that way. There should be no reason for her to feel so depressed when she has so much she could be happy for. There's so much she could be doing instead of wasting time waiting for happiness to fall into her lap.

For so long, she bottled up her emotions and repressed so many memories that the happiness she feels these days only lasts in the moments when she's not alone to think about anything else.

Addison paces, her head literally feels like its pounding. In her mind this could either become the best thing she's done in a while or a completely irresponsible impulse. But her heart knows better, she _needs _to do this no matter the cost. All she's been doing is crying over all the mistakes she's made, because sorting through the mess she'd made had seemed like the harder option to have to deal with, until now.

After thinking it over repeatedly for a few more she knows exactly what she decides to go through with it. She tentatively picks up her phone, holding her breath as the dial tone changes into a melody of digits and rings softly...

"Richard, hey... good, feeling great! So listen… is my job still open?"

Addison Forbes Montgomery is coming back to SGH.

* * *

**Chapter 1: Back:**

**Two weeks later**

"This was a terrible idea! Why did I come back here?"

She'd been completely flustered since she woke up to a surprisingly sunny morning.

Addison couldn't stop muttering to herself as she ran around her hotel room trying to decide what to wear. Not that she need a special look, the hospital staff knew too much of her personal life to not already have their opinion of her... She knew coming back wasn't such a big deal to most because they expected it, but she couldn't help but feel as if something was wrong with her coming back.

"_It **was**_ _my choice...I've missed Miranda and Callie—but then again Miranda is stressed right now and Callie is going through so much as well so I can't depend on them to help work things out. I've missed Mar-...Mark is...well, he is probably the same. I haven't even talked to him in a long time and I definitely don't plan on going back to where we were. And then I haven't talked to Derek 'decently', excluding small talk and desperation, since ...that bachelor party before I moved? And Richard is only happy I'm back because to him I couldn't handle leaving, to him it was inevitable. I hate that this was so predictable; it's shameful." _

"Addison, you're thinking so loud I can practically hear your negativity," Callie said sternly, snapping Addison out of her reverie.

Callie continued to scrutinize Addison from the over-stuffed hotel couch.

"Well, aren't you a hot mess today, goodness!"

Addison ran her hands through her hair, if she already had doubts now, how would she handle living here **permanently**?

"Callie, I'm sorry. I just can't understand why I took Richard up on this offer anymore; I mean I step off that plane, bombarded with rain. I thought it couldn't get worse but I looked outside not two minutes ago and it is still pouring like the Niagara Falls out there. I'm late to my meeting with Richard, my hair's a mess, my things in LA won't get here 'til next month, and my house won't be ready 'til the month after that! I'm going to be living in a hotel ...again, AND my ex… ow!"

"Hey!" Addison snapped as she threw the pillow that had just smacked her in the face back at Callie, watching her just barely duck away to the dining table.

Callie grinned, snagging a leftover waffle from Addison's room service breakfast.

Teasingly, she said, "You really should add ranting to your job description and I thought you would've remembered that you came back here 'cause you just love and adore me."

"Ha, ha, "Addison replies dryly, also throwing a comb at Callie's head as she catches her attempting to sip some of her coffee.

"Ow! What did you come back from LA an assassin or something? You could have poked my eye out..."

"Do not touch her caffeine, she's worse than me, unlike my yelling and obvious threats, she will actually try to kill you."

Addison spun around to see someone she hardly wanted to see closing her hotel door at the moment.

"How did you even know what room I was in, let alone manage to let yourself in Mark? WAIT…who even told you I was here?"

His smile seemed to come across from ear to ear as he sat next to Callie. Addison's glare burned holes into his head. She kept at this for only a few seconds before she decided her time would be best spent buzzing around her room again. They watched her curiously as she multi-tasked between shoving a waffle into her mouth while doing her hair and putting a heel on one-handed. The next thing Addison knew they'd grabbed her from behind. Addison found herself landing in the middle of the couch, pouting at the two who were blocking her from getting up with their arms.

"You're going to sit down and relax for a moment, Addison."

"Guys, I'm already running late."

"Unless you consider being an hour and a half early, late, you're not even close. You really need to take it down a notch. You are not going to go crazy on us after only..."Callie looked at her watch, "Two hours, it's only been two hours into the morning. You're already running around as if hopped up on sugar! You've been so negative since the moment you stepped foot in Seattle, stop looking for a reason to back out when you're already here. Make the best of it, that's why you really came."

"She's right Addison. What is it that has you so tense and worried anyway? What, has too much Californian sun gone to your head?"

Addison knew exactly where this conversation was headed as she rolled her eyes.

"This isn't like you," they said in unison, Addison included with a hint of annoyance.

"So, I've been told," Addison rolls her eyes as she focused on a speck on the floor.

The statement was all too familiar, having attached itself to her since she left New York.

"I know it's not like me. I just need time to worry a little. I came back here to set things right in my life. I tried the pretend-you-have-a-new-life thing, but that just caused a huge mess. The only difference between my problems here and there is the location. I'm trying to convince myself that I can walk into that hospital and be Addison..."

She slumped into the couch as Callie and Mark sat either side of her.

"You'll be fine Addie."

He said it so surely... But, when she heard him call her Addie, it reminded her of all the negative things that attached themselves to her name because of past events. She couldn't help but remember all the bad memories this place had caused her and how it had affected her, allowing a little doubt to enter her brain. She wasn't supposed to think of the baggage she had left here this way. Seattle is about to be her permanent residence again. She should not feel as hurt or uncomfortable with any of it anymore, as if the pain was brand new.

"I should be over this," Addison says angrily not realizing she was thinking aloud.

"What did you say, Addison?"

"Nothing, it isn't important."

The two look at her skeptically.

"Really…I'm fine," she gets up looking as if her earlier state of panic had never occurred.

Smoothing invisible wrinkles out of her skirt and grabbing her leather briefcase. She opened the door and stepped out into the hallway, hurriedly ushering them out. She urged them to go on ahead of her wanting to go the rest of the way to the hospital alone.

"I'll meet you both at the hospital."

Closing the door behind her, Addison leaned against it as she watched them walk out of sight. She wanted to be fine, but she didn't know if she was ready to step back into the spotlight of the hospital horror show yet.

Her nerves were all she could think about as she walked out of the hotel to her awaiting new car. Although she was obviously not mentally prepared for today, physically she was all set. She's Addison Montgomery; it's only natural that she would get all material problems out of the way in a snap. She had bought a brand new car, a new house, and signed a contract with Richard. And she'd done all of it in the span of her two days of arriving back in Seattle. Save for a few minor hitches in physical planning and her nerves, Addison was extremely prepared. Bracing the steering wheel of her new black hybrid for a few seconds, she tried to get rid of the slight urge to chicken out before driving to the hospital.

She stood at the entrance of Seattle Grace remembering the times she walked through its doors, the people of SGH, and more prominently the last day she'd exited those doors.

"Addison!"

Addison couldn't help but smile. Besides Richard, Callie, and Mark there was only one other person she really wanted to see again.

"Hey, Miranda," the woman gave her a quick one-armed hug as they walked towards the hospital, "I'm glad to see you back where you belong, Addison. I don't think I could stand Sloan and Torres hanging around me for much longer."

"Ha. You should have seen how those two have been acting with you gone. They looked like a couple of lost puppies."

"Miranda, the last time we spoke..." Addison's voice got quiet as she remembered a conversation on the phone, "Are you and Tucker..."

"Don't worry 'bout me, he and I are fine now, I realized the mistakes I had been making in our marriage and we've been working on fixing it," Miranda said cutting her off with a warm smile.

Any further questions were cut short as Richard walked towards them, "Addison I'm so glad your back."

"I'm glad too," as she said this she realized it was true, the rain had stopped for now and she was being greeted by two of her closest friends, things were looking up.

Having her friends with her made Addison forget her inhibitions. She walked into the hospital with almost all the confidence the old Addison could muster. She walked in ignoring the stares of shock and the not too subtle whispers, a smirk playing on her lips.

_Yes, I am back!_

**A/N: I know it's a little boring but it will get better ;p**


	2. Chapter 2: This Place

**Chapter 2: This Place**

**Later that night**

Just before the elevator doors closed, she slipped in, just barely escaping the chance of getting her long hair caught in the doors. She sighed as she leaned against one of the walls. _Oh, the memories that were made in these glorious boxes of metal._ She couldn't help but remember the multiple times she was caught up in an interesting predicament in one of the SGH elevators. _It's like an initiation to Seattle Grace, without an awkward moment in one of the elevators you're not a true member of the Seattle Grace Hospital staff._ And let's not forget the infamous gossip mill. She chuckled to herself as she remembered stepping into the hospital that morning. She could tell they all knew she had arrived before she had even entered the lobby. Not even 2 minutes and the many nurses and doctors had collectively been "busy" in her immediate area wondering whom both the Chief of Surgery and the Chief Resident had greeted outside.

She had felt awkward coming back, but after the long day it almost felt like she never left, except now she had more work.

**Flashback to 2 Weeks Ago-**

"Richard, hey... "

"Addison! How are you, I got your e-mail a month ago of the pictures of the renovations on your house and the practice. Things seem to be doing great for you over there."

"...I'm good, feeling great! So listen, is my job still open?"

"I knew it, just knew you'd want to come back! You're in luck the doctor that replaced you just quit! Isn't that great? You do want to come back, right?"

He sounded so excited; she attempted to suppress a giggle.

Laughing lightly, "Yes, Chief."

"That's excellent! In that case, I was hoping you could do me one favor. I'm in need of your expertise in pediatrics. You see Dr. Solomon has decided to leave for an undeterminable amount of time."

"Richard are you sure, you want me for that?"

"Addison you're the exact person for this job. You are as skilled in pediatric surgery as you are in neonatal surgery."

"It's just...I don't know if I should be the one to take this position, I mean shouldn't one of the other surgeons under Dr. Solomon take the job?"

"Addison there is no one else among them who have as much experience as you do and you have worked with Dr. Solomon before, you can do this. Hell, if you had expanded your studies in cardiothoracic surgery you would have been a great replacement for Burke."

"Richard."

"I know I'm laying it on thick, but please Addison. You wouldn't even have to do much other than supervise unless there was a critical emergency. You're the only one I trust to do this type of job."

"Fine, we'll figure out a way to compromise. I'll do it, just as long as this doesn't interfere with _my_ other priorities."

The very morning she had gone back to Seattle Grace, Richard had finalized the news of her arrival.

**Seattle Grace Staff Memo:**

**As many of you may already know, one of our finest star surgical attendings has returned after a brief leave last year.**

**Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery shall be returning to her position as Head of Neonatal Surgery. Due to Dr. Solomon's departure Dr. Montgomery shall also temporarily assume partial supervision of top priority Pediatric Surgery patients.**

**Welcome back Dr. Montgomery!**

**Dr. Richard Webber **_**Chief of Surgery**_

She let out a sigh of resignation. This is _just what I needed more work. Oh well, why complain, things could be worse right? _Just then as if on cue a Dr. Meredith Grey decided to step into the elevator. _Ugh, great!_

After a few seconds Meredith turns to Addison realizing she wasn't alone in the elevator. Addison stares at her blankly. _Oh no, she's going to talk to me. Oh please, not now. I can't handle confusing and awkward monologue-length conversations! _Meredith hesitantly reaches for the emergency stop button. _Don't do it, don't press it, don't..._ Meredith doesn't press the button. _Oh, thank you!_

"I..."

_She had to open her mouth. Here comes the awkward silence. Now I'm going to have to get her to spit it out or I'll never get any rest._

Just as she thought for three minutes all you could here was the slow hum of the elevator and Meredith was ignoring Addison's presence.

"Oh how I've missed these awkward moments..." Addison couldn't help but dramatically utter as she leaned against the back wall.

Meredith glanced back at her briefly, embarrassed.

She was a "little" tired and slightly thinning in patience. She didn't think she could handle talking to Meredith. _Take a deep breath Addison it's only Grey she's harmless, if you want her to speak up you're going to have to be more relaxed. _She let out a sigh sliding to the left to peer sideways at Meredith.

"What were you trying to say Meredith?"

Addison tried to sound as open and casual as possible.

"I'm not...I'm not letting him get away...I wanted you to know if you were wondering. He decided to go, he's with someone already. I don't need him anymore and I'm sorry. I took him from you and you divorced because of our relationship and now it's over. So, I'm really, really sorry."

Meredith leaned against the corner opposite Addison. She stood straight again as if to say something, and then leaned back again. It would have helped if she had a clue what Meredith was talking about. Before Addison could speak, Meredith opened her mouth again.

"That's all I wanted to say. Are you...you're not going to say anything back? You don't have to, it's just...I've been talking to a therapist and I've been trying to fix myself and it isn't working because she keeps telling me the things I already know. I wanted you to know that I didn't let everything I wanted go. I thought I loved him and I did want him, but then I wasn't sure and I don't feel... I don't know if I could give him the last piece of cheesecake anymore. It is too much. He's too much. He needs what he wants more than he wants to know what I want."

Meredith paused, probably gauging to see if she would say anything.

"Wow, what am I doing? You don't know what I'm talking about. I said too much, sorry, forget I said anything."

Meredith awkwardly turns to face the elevator doors glaring at them and hoping they would open under her gaze.

"She must hate me," Meredith muttered to herself not knowing Addison overheard.

Addison sighed once again. As the elevator numbers lit up closer to the lobby floor, she spoke.

"Meredith, it's alright. Sometimes we think we know what we want and we dive in headfirst and we can't see if it's what we really wanted. You wanted him to understand how much you could give instead of trying to get something that wasn't there. I understand what you mean. I get that. I've been trying to fix myself too. I don't hate you, I think it's sad that you think that, when I don't have reason to. If you ever need to talk to someone...you can talk to me...if you're comfortable with that."

Just then the doors of the elevator open and Addison rushed out leaving Meredith and herself with only their thoughts. _One of the longest elevator rides I've ever been on. __A hi and welcome back would have been just fine.__ Befriending__ my ex-husband's ex-mistress-turned-girlfriend-now-ex, what has the world come to? It has to be this place, with their ridiculous elevators that hate me._

**A/N: Sorry I would have uploaded this and chapter 1 together and sooner, but I was having problems with my Microsoft Word. Hope this is okay. I'm probably going to stick with the Addison and Meredith "friendliness". What do you think of it? I wanted to just clear up any problems with the two of them so things could move on in the story. -"review, review, review"… it's like a cute little song that adds meaning to life ;D**


	3. Chapter 3: It Never Ends

**Chapter 3: It Never Ends**

**Two weeks, a day and 10 hrs later **

She was about to bash her head into the piles of charts and paper work on the table. There was so much for her to do. She had not slept much since the day she came back and right now was no one's idea of a good lunch. Her salad was all but forgotten, wilting in its container and she had had no coffee as of late. She really needed coffee.

Addison was so busy trying to multitask, reading and signing charts while researching on her laptop, she didn't notice Callie slip into the other chair at her table. Noticing Addison's irritation with her work she figured this was the perfect time to manipulate her into doing her a favor. Step 1, grab Addison's attention.

Sighing, Callie leans back in her chair a little and starts to sing quietly to herself, a tune that went something along the lines of the song that never ends.

"What in the world are you doing?"

Addison slowly stared at her friend who was grinning like an idiot.

Step 2, talk oddly to bait Addison's curiosity.

"I'm just singing, you know, enjoying life."

Addison looked at her like she was crazy, but tried to direct her focus back on to her work. Callie smiled and began singing again, but this time about a song that gets on everybody's nerves, very similar to the first but much harder to ignore.

"Okay stop, you're acting like you're four what is up with you, don't you have any work to do?"

"I am not. You need to lighten up, have space for fun."

"I have space for fun!"

"Oh, honey. Did you go out much in L.A.?"

"Well I...I spent time with friends at my house...I went on a couple dates..."

"Wow, you're a party animal!"

"Callie, I don't have time for this. I have so much work to do."

"See, this is exactly what I mean! You should be getting out there, seeing the sites, and… maybe meeting guys."

Addison turned to Callie her eyes saying you have got to be kidding. Step 3, go for the kill.

"It would be good you know. Meet a guy who is nice, maybe someone tall, dark and handsome, likes to play tennis, good sense of humor, a great dancer..."

"Okay what, in the world, are you getting at?"

Addison lifts an eyebrow at Callie in an intuitive way. Callie was definitely up too something.

"Well a friend of mine is in town and he hasn't really been around to enjoy the city yet you see..."

"Callie. What did you do?"

Callie idly played with her fingers, trying to avoid Addison's gaze. Right away Addison knew what Callie had done.

"Callie!"

Callie cringed a little. The plan didn't make the delivery any smoother. Step 4, if all else fails beg.

"Oh, please Addison. He's a really great guy and all. Both of you need to meet more people anyway. I can't hang out with him because I have surgeries scheduled tight."

"So you set me up with one of your friends to show him the town even though I've rarely spent anytime outside of the hospital to have seen it for myself? Do you know how crazy that sounds?"

"Actually I don't. You need to get out there Addison, like it or not. I just can't see you as the person who goes on two dates and gives up."

"It wasn't two and my schedule is worse than yours…no, I'm not doing this."

"Come on Addison, and if it makes you feel any better you don't even need to think of it as a date."

Addison hesitated to answer; _it's just one date really, right?_

"Fine, but if you pull something like this again I will personally kick your ass."

**A/N: Interesting who will this mystery man be, will they like each other. Addison still has yet to see Derek or Alex. And what happened with her L.A. men? You'll just have to find out. **

**P.S. I'm sorry for the holdup I had to cut this chapter short because it was so drawn out originally. I'll try to update soon and please give me some feedback.**


	4. Chapter 4: Around

**Chapter 4: Around**

**That Saturday**

It was around 8'o clock and Addison was finally off, but there were still charts to be signed before she could leave for her "thing" with Callie's friend. She walked over to the mirror in her office checking to make sure her new Marchesa dress looked okay for tonight. Callie was once again talking her through how she was going to approach her "friend". _I don't even know his name yet._ She won't even tell me. She held the dress up to her neck, listening as Callie spoke. Rolling her eyes, she put the dress back in the shopping bag. Callie was getting more than a little obsessive about this.

"Callie I know already... yes I have clothes...I am not going to scare him away!"

Addison couldn't believe she was having this conversation with Callie again. _When did she become such a worrywart? I still can't believe I'm doing this, did she honestly go insane for the few months I was gone._

"You want me to what!"

"What are you trying to do? You cannot be asking me to look "hot" for this guy. I don't even know this guy. Are you on something? And what makes you think I don't look hot already? I am the epitome of hotness."

_Ahh, what am I saying? My mouth better not run off when I meet up with this guy. This is getting ridiculous. _Callie seemed to be fine with running her mouth off. Addison waited for Callie to take a break to breathe so she could finally speak.

"Why did you ask me to hang out with him if you were going to worry like this?"

"Just get some rest already, your surgeries start in a couple of hours, apparently that's what the on-call rooms were built for. It will be fine; don't make me change my mind about doing this..."

"Alright, I know! Bye Callie."

_Something is seriously wrong with her._

As she put away her phone someone knocked on the door.

"Come in."

"Umm..."

Addison looks up to see one of the new interns practically shaking at the doorway. _Poor guy he looks terrified._

"Can I help you?"

The intern relaxed slightly after hearing how easy Addison's voice sounded, not at all murderous like others had scared him into thinking.

"Umm... there's this man by the main entrance looking for you. I thought you might want to know Dr. Montgomery."

Okay, thank you. Could you pass the message along that I'll be right out. I just have to change."

"Sure thing Dr. Montgomery."

Once the intern left Addison grabbed the shopping bag and her briefcase and headed down to the locker room. After unzipping and slipping into her dress, she put on her heels and let her hair out of its clip. She placed her other clothes in her locker and attempted to zip up her dress.

Having trouble with the zipper she did not notice that her ex-husband had entered the locker room and had stopped to watch her, completely amused.

"Need some help?"

"I...Derek—"

She was surprised to see him, this was the first time she'd seen him since her arrival. It had been as if he did not exist in the hospital.

"Yes, you sound so glad to see me."

"Well, we haven't talked since...well a while, I was just shocked is all."

He gave a slight nod of understanding. An awkward silence filled the air as they stared at each other for a moment.

Finally breaking the silence Addison grabbed her purse and briefcase ready to head out.

"Well, I have to go…I'm meeting someone...so yeah."

She barely reached the door when Derek spoke up.

"Wait!"

Addison breath caught in her throat. _How can he still make me feel like this? _

"Yes?"

She was glad her voice hadn't cracked and turned to face him_._

"Your zipper," he said.

Her heart dropped a little.

"Oh could you...if you don't mind."

"Yeah, sure."

Time seemed to freeze as he approached her.

Turning around she pulled her long hair away from her back as he zipped her dress up. She then fastened the button directly behind her neck. It used to be a familiar routine for them. Neither knew that the other was feeling a sense of déjà vu. "Thank you, I'll...I'll see you around Derek."

She walked out and towards the main entrance of the hospital, the click of her heels fading down the hall.

**A/N: She finally saw Derek. I wonder who Callie's friend is, huh who would know the answer to that? If you didn't like it all I can say is that it gets better. Review, please.**


	5. Chapter 5: Spinning

**Last time in Chapter 4:**

_How can he still make me feel like this?_

"Yes?"

"Your zipper," he said.

"Oh could you...if you don't mind."

Time seemed to freeze as he approached her.

-It was such a familiar routine for them. Neither knew that the other was feeling a sense of déjà vu. "Thank you, I'll...I'll see you around Derek."

She walked out, the click of her heels fading down the hall.

**Chapter 5: Spinning**

**At the hospital lobby**

She went over by the patient charts to finish signing the necessary charts to clear her patients but as she turned the corner she noticed a man who looked familiar. He was sitting in one of the waiting-area chairs_. It can't be him. I haven't seen him in almost 18 years. _But, then she sees a glint of a necklace that didn't match the man's outfit and could only belong to one person. Turning away, she quickly headed towards the desk by the charts to ask a nurse about Callie's friend. She had other things to worry about than someone who was better off forgotten.

"Hello, Dr. Montgomery would you like me to watch Ms. Sherpreyes or something?"

"No Ann, I was just wondering if you could point me in the direction of the man that was waiting for me down here."

"Yeah, actually he's standing right behind you."

She turns and it's him, standing only a few feet away from her.

"Adds, don't I even get a hug?"

She was shocked and she should have been asking herself so many questions, but in that moment she couldn't think and only felt incredibly ...stunned into silence. She numbly approached him as he walked towards her grinning, and he twirled her around in a massive hug. She couldn't even react at first but after a while a small part of her couldn't help but feel happy.

Her eyes were welling up a bit. All too soon the happy reunion comes to an end when reality hits her. _I should be angry that he's come to see me and not be wrapped in his arms. _She pulls away awkwardly, the surprise in him truly being there wearing off. Her arms immediately fold and with her eyebrow raised she eyes him for a second. It only took a moment for her to realize that he and Callie must have set this up. For a while they stand there in silence, until he senses her stance of seriousness. His smile disappears from his face. Addison finally breaks the silence.

"I almost forgot. We haven't been best friends in a long time."

"Adds."

Addison turns on her heel and starts walking away.

"Adds. Addison, come on we can get past this. You were always going to be my best friend. We were just kids...I was just trying to grow up."

She was walking faster and farther away from him. He turns her around to face him and pulls her to stand by a corner, the very same corner where she and Derek had first spoken when she first came to Seattle. She glares up at him and coldly speaks in a hushed tone so no one eavesdrops.

"There you go again listing excuses. You haven't changed. Setting me up, who knows what lies you made up, to get Callie to agree to this. Whatever this, is… No, Adriel you weren't trying to grow up, a grown up would have realized that they were making a huge hurtful mistake. You told me that you'd fallen for me and then you left saying we couldn't be best friends anymore when I couldn't say the same."

She turned away from him to glance at the windows not wanting to face him in the eye.

"You gave me an ultimatum, after telling me that my best friend since I was 2 yrs old was in love with me! And I don't care if you've even got Callie siding with you or even my mother. I don't care! I hate y…"

Before she could say more, he grabbed her wrist and turned her to face him. He pulled her to his chest. Her voice went low into a weak whisper a tear rolling down her face, "Let go Adriel, don't pretend you're here for me."

Addison was incredibly frustrated, after that hug tons of bad memories of when she was 19 came back. She didn't know what she would do if she lost Adriel again, so she didn't want to give him a chance. Yet when she looks into his eyes, she sees the only person who played with her at the park or talked to her in kindergarten, the boy who stood up for her in middle school. Slowly, her anger towards him seemed to melt away. She hated herself for never being able to keep up a grudge.

He kisses her softly on the top of her head, "We have a lot to talk about it Adds."

They pulled apart and she wiped her eye. Straightening herself out she decides to work with what she can. He smiles and rests a hand on her back slightly

"Come on we can go to this restaurant I know..."

"Fine, sure, just...I just remembered I have to sign a few things and then we can go."

"Okay."

She heads quickly over to her charts and is about to get out a pen when she realizes she left her purse at the locker room.

"Addie."

She turns to see Derek at the top of the stairs with her purse. She meets him at the bottom of the staircase and he hands her the purse.

"Thanks again Derek."

"Anytime… Hey umm," his mouth is slightly open unable to articulate what he wants to say. _Come on say it. Come on. 'Addison, you look beautiful tonight.'_ But no words leave his lips and he sees a man a few feet away trying to call for Addison. "I—I think some guy is over there trying to get your attention."

"Oh. I have to go Derek. Bye."

She briskly walks on her heels with charts in hand signing as she goes and when she finally puts them away, Derek watches as Adriel takes her hand and they walk out of the hospital laughing.

**A/N: Boy this is probably the most confusing chapter. This is definitely one of those "it's complicated" relationships. But, I hope you still like it. You've now met Adriel and it seems Derek is noticing Addison a whole lot more. Review, thank ya. **


	6. Chapter 6: 9 in the morning

**Chapter 6: Nine in the Morning**

**Three Weeks since the First Day**

Addison barely stifled a yawn as she read her case files and charts, a frown fixed on her face. Three weeks and a half since she came back and she's spent most of her time in the hospital. _I haven't even seen my new house since buying it. This is getting ridiculous. This is my second 48-hour work "day" of the week._ She rolled her head to the side to crack her neck; looking at the case again she could tell she would probably be sleeping in an on-call room again. She drank a sip of her coffee and winced when she realized it was cold.

She began to type on the computer, taking notes and looking for research on cases similar to hers. There was hardly any information. _How can I possibly save this baby with such a rare case and procedure like this?_ She sighed, took of her glasses, and lay her head down on the desk. Her eyes were hurting from staring at the screen for so many hours. At least she could hide from the interns and other doctors behind this nursing station. She blindly reached for her coffee on the ledge of the nurses' station counter only to have her hand shaken firmly. She looked up to see Derek holding her coffee.

She scowled at him, "Derek. Give. Me. My. Coffee."

"Ha, where would the fun in that be?"

"Come on Derek, since when are you this friendly-ish with me anyway?"

"What I want to start fresh with you, we can do the friend thing, and Mark and I are doing the friend thing."

"Fine, Derek, just hand it over," she said as she got up from the wheelie chair rolling her eyes.

Addison went around the counter to stand in front of him, her hands on her hips. Although she looked angry on the outside on the inside she was a little glad that he was comfortable with teasing her, the way friends do.

"Alright fine," Derek says exaggerating his words and smiling.

His grin widens when he smugly decides to take a sip of her coffee. Before she can warn him that it's cold, he sips quickly scrunching his face in reaction. She bursts out in laughter as he tries not to spit it out.

After he finally swallows he asks, "How the hell can you drink cold, BLACK coffee? That tastes disgusting."

"It's your own fault. Stop being such a baby. It's not that bad, and it's only cold because it's been sitting there for a while."

She sips her coffee a little to try and wake up and resists the urge to wince at the taste.

"That's a long while then."

"Addison, why are you hiding by the nurses' station any way?"

She glanced around as numerous nurses rushed around them busily.

"Look around do you see anybody disturbing me, excluding your unruly ass? No. I needed a quiet space to work where people wouldn't bother me. It would be too obvious to hide in my office."

"You have a point," he said with a smile, "I'm sorry my unruly ass intruded."

She grinned back at him. She was about to respond when...

"Adds!"

She looked past Derek to the doors of an elevator that had opened. Her eyes twinkled as her smile grew. This did not go unnoticed by him, because he used to see that smile constantly, except it had been for him. Out of the elevator comes the man from last weekend. What was HE doing here? Derek couldn't help but wonder.

"Adriel!"

She smiled a little at Derek before turning over to Adriel, who was walking towards them carrying two coffees and a paper bag.

"What are you doing here?"

She was glad to see him, after the date it seemed like old times in high school. With Adriel, Addison could easily slip into a conversation that made them blow up in hysterics. _Even after so many years he still gets me. The only difference now is that he keeps trying to turn this into something more than friendship._

Adriel gasps dramatically, "And I thought you wanted me to come see you again, you've scarred me Montgomery."

She laughs at him.

"Ah, let it go Evander, honestly, I'm sure you'll get over it."

"I will and you know why, because I'm the prettier one out of both of us and I know you are just jealous."

"Yeah right," She peers at the coffee in his hands, with an eyebrow raised, "Is that for me?"

"No you dimwit it's for another much cooler neonatal surgeon."

She pouts a little making him laugh.

"Here," Adriel smiling handing over one of the coffee cups, also giving her the paper bag, "You always did forget to eat."

"I eat; I've just been very busy this morning. Thanks, though. Although I'm curious as to how you found me. I was in hiding."

Adriel shrugged at her.

Addison and Adriel are so engrossed in their conversation they didn't notice Derek was still watching from the nursing station a few feet away trying to hide his discomfort.

"So why _are_ you here?"

"Well technically I should be heading back to work," he said looking at the time, "But I promised to stop bye, so now seemed a good time as any."

"I could go, but I'm sure my assistant can probably handle my work for now," he says as if barely convinced himself

"Adriel Evander is going to leave his work in the hands of another, now that's not the guy I remember."

"Eh, things change," he smiles at her a little, intentionally stepping closer.

Her breath catches a little. _Am I starting to feel something for him?_

"Maybe you should go."

"Or I can just hang here and watch you cut people open with all their blood gushing out and stuff."

She laughs a little, "I don't think you want to do that, in high school you practically fainted at the sight of..."

She was cut off when he kissed her. Stunned a little smile formed on her mouth as he held her waist.

"Ehem."

They pull away quickly to see Derek with his arms crossed casually.

"Oh sorry," Addison says quickly, "This is awkward. Umm...Derek this is Adriel Evander he was my best friend before I went off to med school, Adriel this is Derek Shepherd.

Adriel hold out his hand to Derek, "Hi you can call me Evan, that's what most people know me as around here, how do you and Adds now each other?"

Derek shakes his hand, "It is nice to meet you Evan. Addison and I go back maybe a little over 14 years."

"Really wow. Do you guys work in the same area or something?"

"Adriel, Derek is my ex-husband."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Derek stood there not knowing what to say but he felt uncomfortable with Adriel or Evan's presence.

"I'm the Head of Neurosurgery. We're just friends now."

"That's good, wouldn't want to lose 14 years either."

_Yeah, 14 years. _Addison quickly glances at Derek, seeing no reaction. She turns back to Adriel and sees his face basically say I've known you even longer and I know you better. _When did today get so complicated? This is getting too intense for 9 in the morning._ Addison decides to end the situation before it gets more awkward.

"You should probably get going. Don't want anyone to mess with your perfect rep. do you," teasingly she asks, smiling as best she can.

"Of course not, I'm glad you still realize that my work is always perfection. I'll go now."

"Alright, bye Adriel."

Adriel leans in to give Addison a kiss again but she turns her head to the side so that he gives her a peck on the cheek instead. She then walked away like nothing happened.

**A/N: Things are getting heavy I wonder what happened on Adriel and Addison's date. Don't assume anything either, things might turn out different to what you expect. Maybe this will be Addek, maybe she'll fall for her old best friend, or we could have an intense love-polygon-thing that always makes life better. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OR WANT TO SEE NEXT.**


	7. Chapter 7: Not Supposed to Notice

**Chapter 7: Not Supposed to Notice**

Addison, heading over to her stack of files and laptop once again, stops at the funny face Derek is making. He doesn't even seem to notice her staring at him.

"Derek is something wrong?"

He still doesn't notice her. Addison waves her hand slightly in front of his face. She looks to where his eyes are directed, not realizing just minutes ago that is where she had been standing.

"Honey..."Addison touches his shoulder lightly and he jumps a little.

"Derek, are you alright?"

Addison watches him stand over by some charts absently gazing at them, and then leaning on the side of the wall to stare at her. She walks over to him. _What is wrong with him? Only minutes ago he was...he was acting like the Derek I met a long time ago._

"Derek, come on, what is it?"

"I thought we were doing the friends thing, don't you want to be buddies?"

Her teasing tone did nothing to sway his silent stare. When Derek finally spoke, he only made her feel more confused.

"You don't like him the same way he likes you."

"What?"

Addison was stunned by the words that came out of his mouth.

"Your head, you turned it to the side so he couldn't kiss you."

"Derek, what are you talking about," she wouldn't admit to turning her head away, it was none of his business.

"Addison, you didn't let him kiss you."

"How would you know? That is none of your business."

"Addie..."

She was angry now, he had no right.

"No Derek, don't do this. I already know what you're about to say."

"I thought you wanted to try the friends-thing."

"So did I," she says her tone gave away no emotion.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Weren't you the one who told me about the lovely new girl you've been dating? You're not supposed to notice the way I let people kiss me."

"Isn't it part of a friend's job to make sure their said friend knows what he or she is feeling? Am I not allowed to worry when it is a matter of protecting you from hurting yourself or someone else."

"That is the thing. You're not supposed to think about the way I feel about another person, Derek. "

"Addison, I'm not doing anything wrong."

"In the past two years you never noticed me this way, you didn't notice Mark and I, you didn't notice the people who try to flirt with me in New York when they knew things had gone bad between us, you didn't notice."

Derek eyes shined a little at the announcement that there had been others who had hit on Addison, and yet he was once again silent. _At least say something! _

"Why are you so tired this morning?"

"Derek, don't dodge the conversation."

"I'm just trying to be a friend."

"No, you're not. You can't even tell me the truth. Answer one question. If you had not seen me in the locker room last week would you have even bothered to come find me, say hi, anything?"

She looked at him intensely, her eyes searching his face. _Of course he wouldn't. He never gave me a second thought after I left. _He shifted uncomfortably under Addison's gaze, ignoring Addison's question.

"You and I both know that if you were to have ever spoken to me again it would have been professionally or if I had approached you."

Addison paused; hoping he would at least try to disagree, fight for whatever feeling she thought he might have left for her..._nothing._

"Derek, I don't think I can be friends with you. Sharing any type of relationship with you is just too difficult."

**A/N: I wanted to leave you hanging for a little bit, add some suspense ;) So, the next chapter is part 2. Give me some feedback & Review!**


	8. Chapter 8: Give and Take

**Chapter 8: Give and Take**

"Addie..."

"No, don't, there is nothing you can say to change that. It's too complicated for us to try and be friends. Derek, I'm not over...us yet and it's making moving on harder and I would give anything to get past this. I'm sick and tired of you only noticing me when it's convenient, you act like the 14 years we spent together were nothing, as if we were only friends this entire time and can just jump back on the band wagon."

"Maybe I'm like this because a part of me still loves you too, maybe we even love each other the same way and you just won't admit it. Did you ever think about that? Maybe that's why you don't like that Evan guy as much as he likes you. I mean you say you haven't moved on but before you noticed I was still here, you were sucking face with-"

"You've got to be kidding me; do you think this is some sick joke? Does the world revolve around your thick skull? Derek where do you get the nerve telling me how I feel about anything that involves Adriel or YOU for that matter. You do not love me and you do not know how Adriel or I feel about anyone."

"Why is it so hard for you to believe that I still have feelings for you, Addison?"

He steps closer daring her to say something.

"What do you see in that guy, was he your boyfriend once? You saw him again in Seattle... decided hey, might as well..."

"That is quite enough."

She straightens out a bit fixing her lab coat, her hands shaking slightly. She licks her lips a bit, before she speaks, her voice half whispering.

"A span of 30 minutes was all it took for you to shatter the ground that I'm standing on," she looks at him again her eyes slightly glazed over, "how is that even possible?"

As she speaks again her voice tainted with sadness, "It seems ridiculous but for some strange reason you still have my love. That is why we can't be friends because no matter how much I hate you at this moment, and how much it hurts that you think you think you can just presume how I feel about you or Adriel, I still love you."

Derek looks at her not knowing if he is supposed to say something.

"A relationship is a give and take," she laughs slightly, surprising herself and Derek," and what I want, what I need you to give me is... my heart."

"Addie...I"

Her face looks so torn. Addison feels all the emotion that she's been holding back explode in her face.

"I've given so much and you...without thought," she's crying now, not able to hold anything back, " All you have to do is give me this one thing so I can let you go. No one can do this to me except you because you still have my heart and I hate that. I don't want...I can't let you hold it any more. I don't want to die inside over and over again because you can't love me. I'm so tired of it being like that. Could you honestly tell me that you love me in the same way that I love you? It is not true, no matter how much you want to believe it. You...this is not how you feel about me anymore. There was once a time when I would give anything to at least be your friend, but now I can't handle that. There is too much baggage that goes with fostering any type of relationship with you."

She walks up to him and kisses him gently but forcefully on the lips as if trying to take all her love and their memories back, her tears rolling down his cheeks. Derek takes her waist and tries to kiss her back but she pulls away and like nothing, starts heading for the hallway.

She pauses without turning back to face him, "This is good bye Derek, this is where it should end, we haven't been Derek and Addison in a long time. You are Derek Shepherd and I...I'm Addison Forbes Montgomery. This is what you wanted a year ago and this is what we get. If it is SO hard to let go of Meredith that you need to pretend you feel something for me or Rose, try and forget everything that's happened in the past years, you've done it before."

She walks briskly away and into the elevator. As the doors close she breaks down again her head sliding down the wall in an all too familiar way in the empty elevator.

**A/N: Like I've said before: DON'T,** **I repeat DO NOT ASSUME ANYTHING** **you won't know what's happening next till you read it. Working on next chapter as we speak so I know what I'm talking about. Don't give up on this story yet. And I hope this was the right amount of emotions don't want to over exaggerate the drama. FEEDBACK pretty please.**


	9. Chapter 9: No One's Superhero

**Chapter 9: No One's Superhero**

**The next day**

"—and I thought I was crazy. I don't think he can change; this whole "new leaf thing" is probably a phase. I don't see why he is even trying, he can't do it, you of all people know what I mean right…hello…this is just great I'm talking to myself," Callie glares at Addison, but then grins slyly, "Evan just punched Derek, I tried to…"

Addison's head snaps up immediately, "What!"

Callie stares at her seriously for a second, and then she starts cracking up. Wiping a tear from her eyes as Addison frowns, "That was good, that... I didn't expect your face to look like that, priceless."

"Callie that is so not funny."

"Well you're the one not listening to me, you have that whole I'm-thinking-about-life-and-I-despise-it look on your face."

"I do not look like that."

"You kind of do," Callie says gesturing at her with her fork, "you get this look, where your whole body looks focused, but your mind is SO elsewhere."

"Well, thank you for pointing it out."

"Oh come off it Addison, what's wrong? Just spill it already; you're going to blurt it out anyway."

"It's nothing."

"Addison."

"Derek is officially not a part of my life."

"Um, I hate to break it to you but, you guys have been divorced for a while now and that usually means he isn't a part of your life."

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean you're kind of drawing this out."

There was an awkward silence as Callie watched Addison pick at her food.

"I just...I told him we couldn't be friends."

"Okay?"

"He told me...I mean, that man, he's insane."

Callie could barely grasp what Addison was trying to say. Even Addison shook her head not knowing how she was supposed to explain what happened to herself, let alone Callie.

"I don't think I can talk about this."

"That's fine, whatever he said though don't let it affect you so much that it ruins your day," Callie looks down to glance at her beeping pager, "I have to go, see you later."

"Bye."

She felt guilty for messing up lunch with Callie, but couldn't help think about her conversation with Derek. Addison toyed with the rest of her food before pushing it aside. _It's too late for that, my day is already ruined._

**That night at Joe's**

"Just tell me."

"No, I'm not in the mood to talk about it. All I want to do is get a drink and talk about something else."

"Addison it couldn't have been that bad."

"It wasn't."

"Just tell her or she's going to go on about it all night, oh and there's also the fact that I want to hear about it too," Joe said smiling as he brought them their drinks.

Addison made a face, dramatically saying, "Not you too. And I thought you wouldn't stoop as low as Callie."

"Hey, you don't even thank me for finding Evan and this is how you repay me, by not telling me one single detail. It's been four days already!"

Addison smiled dryly, "You'll get over it."

"Besides, I'm still a little mad at you. I may not be showing it right now, but that's because no one else was available to come to here with me."

Callie rolled her eyes and got up from her seat.

"Ugh, I'll be back," pointing to Joe, "Get her to cough up some information, will you."

Joe gave Addison a little smile before going before going back behind the counter. Her eyes wandered around the bar as she watched others laughing it up and chatting about.

The bell by the door rang, signaling new company. Without even looking Addison knew who had entered the bar. It was like the saying went; she had eyes at the back of her head. It had been that way for as long as she could remember. She hadn't bothered with it in a while, but tonight it helped. It kept her from freaking out when Derek entered the bar with Mark.

Before Mark could even let a "wise" word leave his mouth the back of Addison's hand was raised.

"Save it Mark, whatever you have to say, I don't want to hear it."

"Wow, Derek really ticked you off."

Addison sighed before whipping around in her stool, "I suggest you shut your mouth, whatever Dr. McCrazy told you, is a bunch of nonsense. He thinks he can pull one over on me, but he can't."

Mark decided to sit down, it was apparent that Addison was about to ramble her brains out.

"...he thinks he can just say anything he wants, as if I'm supposed to just take it and fly into his arms, then out of nowhere my childhood friend, who I haven't seen in 20 years convinced Callie that he and I are meant to be together and..."

At that moment Mark decides to cut Addison off.

"I don't think I should be the one you to tell all this to, I mean, one, I'm probably one of the men on that list of reoccurring problems you've got going for you which includes socializing with the 'enemy' aka Derek," he says smiling sympathetically, "two, I can't say I could keep this from either Derek or Callie for that matter even if actually tried, and three, well, you'd probably hate me if I said once again how I feel about you, and we already know, how I feel."

Addison groans exasperated and glaring.

"This may not be life and death but it's no walk in the park, everything's just gotten so complex. What do you people want from me, honestly? I'm not trying to be full of myself but... I am not Wonder Woman. Why do you guys have to complicate everything, why can't you keep things simple? "

Mark stayed silent not knowing what else he could do other than pat her hand lightly. For what seemed the hundredth time Addison sighed, her eyes softening slightly.

"You know, you really have changed, not a new leaf really, but I think that's a good thing. You're showing more of all the things I loved about you," she smiled and then teasingly said, "but I've probably given you twice the ego now."

She looked down at her watch and grabbed her purse off the bar and lay down some cash for Joe.

"I should get going. I have to be at the hospital early tomorrow. If you see Callie, tell her to meet me back at my place."

Before turning to leave, "Oh and Mark, try not to breathe a word of this to Derek or Callie, okay?"

She kisses him on the cheek and briskly heads out the door.

Mark sits there for a second 'til Derek motions him over from across the bar.

**A/N: Sorry for the delay guys. I've been all sorts of busy lately. I couldn't figure out quite how to end this chapter, but I finally did. (Does a little dance) New chapter will hopefully be better than this and will be out, probably later than sooner ;p If you reread you may notice I took out the whole Alex and Izzie bit I've decided to tie them in somewhere later, if not at all. The story just flows better without excess drama at the moment. **


	10. Chapter 10: Ruined and Abandoned Heart

**A/N: Hi, everyone sorry for the major hiatus I only now found inspiration to write again. So each chapter has been revamped & edited. I think this new one is an okay transition for what I want to have happen next. Think of this as a big tease ;p or a door to new possibilities**

**Chapter 10: Ruined Chances and an Abandoned Heart**

Derek looks at Mark hopefully.

"Well what'd she say?"

"You don't have a chance."

"What?"

"The woman knew you were trying to ambush her, she stopped me before I could come near two feet of where she sat, wasn't even looking my way and I didn't get to say a word."

"Wow, she hasn't done that in a while."

"At least this time she didn't cause anyone bodily harm," Mark muttered.

Derek laughed recalling how Addison had almost broken Mark's nose once after trying to sneak up on her. But his laughter faded and he knew that they need to talk about this seriously. Mark seemed to agree with the idea as a more serious look graced his face.

"She definitely doesn't want to talk about or to you, that's for sure."

"I'm screwed aren't I," Derek said with a disappointed look on his face.

Mark sighed not sure why he was "helping" Derek in the first place, more than anything in his gut he wanted to ruin his chances, but apparently his better and kinder side was getting the best of him.

"Sit down; I think you left out certain things about what happened with Addison last Friday."

Derek raised an eyebrow but sat with Mark in one of the booths.

"Now you're going to tell me exactly why Addison feels the urge to either have you committed or arrested."

* * *

"So how were things with Evan? Did you guys have a great reunion?"

"I thought we agreed not to discuss this. You don't even know what you're talking about."

"Addison this guy has been my friend for years now. I think I know him," Callie says with an empty laugh.

Addison shakes her head at Callie. _She couldn't even begin to know._ Addison sits on her couch adjacent to Callie.

"You do, but you had no right tricking me into seeing him when you have no idea what went on between the two of us. I didn't want to see him and you don't know enough about him to have decided that for me."

Callie, not understanding what Addison meant, couldn't help but feel annoyed.

"How would you know? You don't get to tell me I don't know one of my closest friends. You haven't even seen him in twenty years, what do you know? Face it, whatever relationship the two of you had has been over for a long time, I was only trying to help. You're always running away from what could be a good thing. All you do is sit around pining for Derek while completely pushing him away. How sick are you?"

Callie spoke with slight disdain in her tone; she was too upset to filter what she said.

* * *

"Are you kidding me Derek?"

Derek didn't even respond instead choosing to drink more of his beer.

"If I had known she was that upset with you I wouldn't have even gone up to her. How self-centered are you?"

Still he remained silent.

"I can't deal with this anymore Derek. You and I know it's been going on for maybe a little over four years now. You just don't know her anymore Derek, you don't see the big picture, what she wants, or what she needs."

Derek looks up at his last comment. Mark doesn't want to break their fragile new friendship but in his mind after all that has happened; Addison's heart will always come before Derek's clouded and confused brain.

* * *

After Callie had a moment to process, she immediately regretted what she'd said to Addison as she saw her eyes glaze over just the tiniest bit.

"You just don't get it, Callie. I don't even understand it; it's just so confusing to be near him."

Callie didn't know if she was supposed to say anything, she could only sit there awkwardly.

"He abandoned me. He kicked me to the curb like it was nothing. You don't know what it's like to have no choice but to watch your friendship torn apart in front of your eyes. For someone who had claimed to have fallen in love with me, he acted completely the opposite, and I I-I couldn't...deal with it."

This was always how the men in her life affected her; they always left her unable to string words together, sometimes in a good way, but lately in a bad way. Addison didn't know how to explain what happened between her and Adriel in the past, let alone how she felt for him now. If anything, Callie was right about one thing it all happened a long time ago.

When she'd seen him in the past couple of days it was so simple to let everything go and just be close to him. Now though, the glamour of his presence was beginning to fade and she was left with her many thoughts once again.

"It was just so easy for him to not care about me the second I couldn't reciprocate what he was feeling. He was supposed to be the one that knew me, understood me; he was like a second brother. It took me so long to get over it. So much had gone on before then; it was basically the last straw."

She remembered the day she left home for college, Bizzy telling her she would never make it and she'd come running back home. It had been easier for her mother to say that rather than say that she truthfully didn't want her children to leave her alone. She made a choice from then on that the money for her education would come from her own hard work; Captain and Bizzy would have no hold on her future.

"I'd never seen him act so self-centered. It was a waste of a nearly twenty year relationship. What's sad is that all ended up happening again with Derek."

"Addison, I didn't mean to get so annoyed with you before, it's just Evan's story was so different, I wanted to see you both happy."

"It's okay Callie you have every right to want to defend your friendship," Addison laughed slightly, " It's ridiculous really, how similar Derek and Adriel are now that I think about. They are so much alike, arrogant, stubborn, and they both think they can just waltz around like nothing bad ever happened between us."

Addison wiped at her eyes and straightens herself out on the couch.

"So we're okay?"

"Yeah we're okay. I think we just needed to get a few things off our chests, might as well get a good cry out of it. Callie, I need you to understand that I love Adriel but I don't think I could ever have a relationship with him, at least not now and I need someone on my side when he realizes he's not going to get what he wants, because he's going to leave again. He's going to say that everything is all right and that we can try to be friends, but he's going to get bored and he'll leave, he can't help it."

Callie thought of all the times she talked to Evan on the phone. He was always hopping from one place to another, he _always_ got bored. Then she thought about the stories he used to tell her about the fiery girl he fell in love with, the only person he let call him by the first name he usually despised. Addison wasn't a fiery teenage girl anymore, she was a different person and she and Callie both knew that the girl that Adriel Evander was in love with no longer existed. Callie didn't want to see her friend suppress the person she really was in exchange for a relationship with him.

"I just wish it didn't have to be like this," Callie said with a sigh.

"I do too but give it a month. We'll spend all the time we can together to repair as much damage to the relationship we can. And when he gets sick of the rain and daily routine, he'll move on and call us every now and then. At least this time I won't lose him completely. I just regret kissing him I feel like I've been leading him on."

"I'll never know how you deal with it all Addison, you should be given an award or something," Callie said laughing.

"Ha ha," Addison says grinning as she reaches for her phone, "lets order something to eat, I'm hungry and I'd like to avoid any other discussions about the messed up men in my life."


	11. Chapter 11: The Game of Telephone

**Chapter 11: The Game of Telephone**

"She's on her phone again."

"What's the problem with that?"

"She's always on her phone whenever she's free or thinks no one is paying attention. All I've seen her do besides work is text, e-mail, and talk on that phone."

"So I'll ask again, what's the problem?"

"Maybe something's wrong, maybe she's not doing well, have you talked to Callie about her recently?"

Derek frowns as he watches her talk on the floor below them engrossed in what seemed to be a serious conversation.

"She's fine."

"But what could she be so busy with that she needs to be on the phone so much."

"Well, why don't you just go up to Addison and ask her Derek?"

Derek rolls his eyes apparently not hearing the sarcasm in Mark's voice.

"You know I can't do that. She would rather bash the phone into my head than talk to me."

"Everyone in this hospital knows that, but that doesn't stop you from watching her every move and talking to me about it rather than trying to fix it."

Derek slides his hand over his face, "Mark, how in the world am I supposed to do that, when she wants absolutely nothing to do with me?"

"Beats me, but it'd be pretty entertaining to watch you try," he says grinning.

* * *

Light started seeping in from the hall into the on-call room, startling Mark awake as the light hit him in the eyes. Mark groaned as he looked over to see Derek standing there.

"Shut the door," he grumbled.

Derek shut the door and sat on the ground.

"I meant with you on the outside, Derek."

"She was giggling and speaking in a baby voice Mark."

"Here we go again."

"Who could she be talking to?"

"Maybe she was on the phone with a baby."

"Mark that doesn't make any sense whose baby would she be talking to, oh you don't think she has a..."

Derek's eyes widened not finishing the thought.

"No! Would you please stop eavesdropping, stop trying to push yourself into Addison's personal life when she clearly doesn't want you there right now."

"You were the one who told me to try to figure this out," Derek replied, frowning at Mark.

"Yes, I did, but when I said you should try working things out, I meant for you to go up and talk to her not stalk her every move."

They stayed silent for a while.

"Could you please ask Callie who she's been talking to, please. This will be the last time, promise."

"Ugh, I was having a good dream before you opened the door Derek."

Derek frustrated, slumped further into the wall as his agitated friend turned away pulling the pillow over his head.

* * *

"He wants to know what's up with your phone."

"Well maybe you should tell him to butt out and stop helping Derek watch my every move."

"I've tried that but if you haven't noticed your ex-husband is stubborn and has a tendency to think without his brain at times."

"I could say the say the same thing about your new best friend."

"Oh gross, Mark is not my best friend. You know just as well as I do, that because you and Derek won't talk to each other he's always pushing us to get details on you."

"Well you're not telling either of them what I've told you if you still want me to go with you to that new bar you want to check out tonight.'

"Alright fine, but only because I really want to see you do something other than work and use the phone. Maybe this will even lead to an end to all Derek's fuss over you. And I promise no more feeding information to Derek. I'll tell you though, he's been asking about you a lot lately, I get the feeling there was more to your conversation with him than what you've told me. "

* * *

"So what have they been doing this week?"

"Why is it you always choose to bother me when I'm this close to getting some sleep?"

Derek only stared at him expectantly. Mark sighed.

"They went out to a bar the other night. That's all you get now let me sleep and shut the door properly on your way out."

"They went out? What did they do? Did they meet up with other people? Was that Evan, Ariel, whatever his name is with them? Is he still in Seattle? Did she ever tell you about their date?"

"That's it, would you seriously just leave me out of this. You're turning into a complete moron. I don't want to be gossiping with anymore nurses, interns, or doctors that work with Addison. Just fix your mess already or I'll fix it for you so well, she won't want to hear from you_ ever _again."

* * *

"They've split up."

"Callie what are you talking about?"

"The rumor is that the newly reunited brotherly romance that is Mark and Derek has ended... well for now anyway."

"I don't want to talk about them."

"Well we already know that but they're still talking about you or from what I hear the reason they're breaking up again is because of a fight they had, over you."

"I don't really care..."

"Yes you do, so just forgive him already because it's making everyone nuts."

**A/N: I tweaked a couple of the other chapters... I know this is a really, really short chapter and that it's been over a year… I'm working on being less busy, I'm so sorry. Coming Soon: (hopefully): Chapter 12: Politely Intruding**


	12. Chapter 12: Politely Intruding

**A/N: Hey hope everyone had a great time during the holidays a couple of weeks ago. I'm back in school so I thought I might as well get back to writing too.**

**Chapter 12: Politely Intruding**

Addison stood motionless leaning against the ledge of her office's balcony. Whenever she wasn't working or on the phone, as everyone had so obviously noticed, she found herself staring into space in this very spot. Not only was she staring into space but she would grin or smile ever so slightly like a day-dreaming school girl. She didn't know how to describe what she'd been feeling the past few days. It was as if some unknown pressure had lifted from her shoulders. She wouldn't exactly call it happiness just yet but it was getting there. Who would have thought a few phone calls would make things insurmountably better.

"You know, I think this is the first time I've seen you smiling this much since well, since you moved back to Seattle. It makes me wonder what crazy things you've been up to since we last talked."

She doesn't make an effort to compose herself recognizing that it's just Mark.

Mark walks over to stand next to her. For a while they stand there silently, okay with just staring at the rain heavy clouds that were starting to gather in the sky.

"Aren't you tired?"

Finally glancing at him she tilts her head wondering how she should respond.

"Tired of what?"

"Pretending you can bury all the stuff you're feeling by escaping into long phone calls."

"I'm not pretending to bury anything, you said it yourself I'm smiling and my phone calls are _still_ none of your business."

"You told Callie about 'em."

She makes a noncommittal noise that he takes as a yes.

"So why won't you tell me?"

"There's nothing to tell. I don't know, maybe I just don't feel like sharing, Mark."

"You really feel happier; you're not just putting your feelings in a tiny box?"

Addison frowned, "I told Derek that in confidence, it was supposed to be private."

"He was drunk two days ago, he heard you were going out on a date when you were talking to Callie or something, and he just stumbled into my apartment babbling away."

She rolls her eyes turning around so her back leans against the ledge. Trying to recall what she'd talked about with Callie two days ago.

"I didn't go out on a date I was talking about the dates I went on in L.A. If he stopped eavesdropping he wouldn't be getting himself drunk and telling you about _my_ private information."

"It was just the one time, he's extremely jealous of that guy Callie set you up with."

"She didn't set me up with him; I've known him practically since birth."

"Explains the jealousy then…"

"Can we talk about something else there's really no point to this conversation."

There was no point in talking about Derek, it felt like such a forced conversation anyway, like awkward small talk.

Mark sighs, "Officially finished unpacking at your house yet."

"Ugh, no. I'm still waiting on some stuff I left in L.A., actually one of my friends is going to come down with all of it, and he's wanted to visit for a while anyway."

"He?"

"Just a friend Mark, the phone calls I'd been making were either to him or the movers who nearly got lost driving up here."

"Hmm."

"What?"

"You don't have many guy friends Addison you have friends with husbands and guys you used to date that you become 'friends' with or guys you were into but didn't act on it, and guys you work with, but you barely ever have guys who are just friends. And, before you say it, Archer doesn't count and neither do Derek and I 'cause you married him and slept with both of us."

She pouts a little, arms folded.

"I'm not that bad. I do have friends who are guys," he only stares at her with a raised eyebrow, "okay so we had a thing for a while but that's over now we're just really good friends, it's not like that between us anymore."

"Addison."

Saved by the sound of her beeper, she just waves him off rolling her eyes and walks out of her office.

A few hours later she's back in her office arranging books along her bookshelf when someone knocks on the door. She finds herself staring at Derek's oddly unembarrassed figure. She pauses only for a moment before sharply closing the door on his face, hoping it caught him on the nose, and returns to her books.

"Closing the door on someone only works in your favor if you remember to lock it after."

She doesn't need to turn around to know that Derek was making himself comfortable on her couch uninvited.

"Funny, normally people usually don't take a door in the face as 'Hey, come right on in.'," she says pointedly as she walks around to her desk leaning against it with a frown.

"Yes well, under the circumstances, I wasn't really expecting an invitation."

She rolls her eyes as he begins arranging a pillow under his head, his posture suggesting he wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon.

"Did you have an important reason for coming here or were you just planning on taking a nap on my couch."

"Seeing as we're not really on speaking terms, this was kind of just a spur of the moment thing, but hey, your couch seems very cushy."

"Derek, just get out, you have your own office."

"I think I might take you up on that nap offer."

"There was no offer; I have stuff I need to do and you need to leave."

"Like what, you going to rearrange your books in alphabetical order?"

"If this is your idea of…"

She paused not knowing how to word what she wanted to say without suggesting a fondness in the idea of forgiving him.

"Of what, making up, is that what you were planning on saying? Because that would imply that you wouldn't object to the idea of forgiving me and becoming friends with me again."

He smirks as she blushes, knowing he's caught her. He gets up from the couch to stand in front of her still grinning. He knew he made the right decision coming into her office because although she wanted to be as far away from him as possible the most important thing he learned about her the other day was that she still loved him. No matter how hard she tried to push him away he was going to find a way to place himself back in her life.

"You know I never got to tell you that it was great to have you back here Addie."

"No, no you didn't," she says still staring at him in slight shock; it was unlike him to pull something like this on her.

"Well then", he leaned in close his cheek pressed to hers as he whispered," it _is_ great to have you back, Addison."

She let out a slight gasp and with that he walked away before she could respond, leaving her to mull over what just happened.

**A/N: Thanks for reading; I hope you all liked it. There's a part two coming up. Review! :) **


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